Saturday, September 12, 2009

I had a dream last night. You were on fire.

So a few months ago i read twilight. I had already seen the film.
It was easy to get into, and i enjoyed how simple it was. how very little i needed to invest intellectually into the er, novel? i think i find harry potter at least twice as challenging.
the repetition of these unnecessary descriptive tangents got on my nerves after a while. i clenched my teeth every time i read about edward's smouldering eyes (must have been a dozen times). what's her name stephanie something? for fucks sakes we get it, edward gives bella a serious panic in the pants, no need to remind us every 15 pages. i mean it was almost laughable. trying to i dont know, make very simple sensations like bella having a minor orgasm into 6 pages of size 18print nonsense. just because you write more about something dirty doesnt transform it into something more elegant. we all saw the movie, you see the look on bella's face half the time, she's cracking a massive boner courtesy of eduardos smouldering eyes or granite chiseled features yada yada yada.

anyway, so soon after finishing twilight i started reading new moon, hoping i was getting into another piss easy read, the kind that makes me feel like im half watching a crap movie at 2am.
i didnt get very far i was distracted, recently i picked it up again and to my great pleasure came across something i had not expected.

bella gets shafted, shut down, dumped, dodged, slammed, crushed, ditched, dealt a shit fucking hand, deserted, abandoned, ignored. and is suffering, like really suffering! unfortunately the book doesnt go into nearly as much depth as i would have liked. im more of a fan of descriptions of cataclysmic despair, delusions of suicide and so on. all bella gets is a "hole". wow stephanie, groundbreaking literature there, someone leaves and you feel like theres a hole you can't fill? as if no one had thought of that already?

my point is, if there is one to make, is that i enjoyed seeing a female suffer at the hands of a male. i really did. see in my experience, the roles have been reversed, the male views the female as some sort of divine being, incapable of intentional trespass against me, of error or mistake in any way. a figure of perfection, each inch of her beautiful in its own way. someone to be waited on. given preference over everyone else. someone to invest in completely. most devastatingly so, someone who does not reciprocate any of the afore mentioned sentiments. or at best to a far more diluted degree.

so forgive me if i like to see a girl, however fictional, suffering similar defeat and betrayal.
maybe it makes me feel slightly better that fictional suffering captures a small part of how i've felt in the past. i am also known to move through periods of intense misogyny which would explain my entertainment at young miss swan's broken heart.

I do miss the cullens though (i havent finished new moon yet), i wish there would be more detail as to the architecture of their home, its furnishings, and the designer clothes they clearly would wear. I also felt a strange connection with Jasper. Edward pisses me off. He would be one of those seen to be scene indie arty alternative kids who carry old cameras around and talk about their vintage clothes whilst mum and dad pay for euro trips and weekend grams. damn jackass would probably take the girl i like too.

I don't know about you hedi slimane. you sort of weird me out a little. the shoots you did of kate moss and peter dougherty were far too close together. and im not sure about what you are trying to promote with your work. as far as i can see its anorexia and smoking. which i have nothing against, each to their own, leave me alone.

i do find about 10% of his images rather striking, effective. the other ninety waste my time until i find the next shot that isn't so contrived and staged and 'fucking rock and roll noir yeah baby tattoos and guitars'. i dont know how he gets away with taking photos of children at gigs and festivals but he does.

sometimes im drunk when i look at things.
i speed read blogs and fly through old magazines until i get tired enough to sleep. when im drunk and i scroll through hedi slimane diary and i see these... boys and girls, young teenagers. i want to be super skinny again, unhealthily so. so much so people worry again. i want to get tattoos all over my body, piercings. and up the ante on my drinking and smoking. basically i have strong delusions of starvation and self mutilation Re tatts and piercings. it doesnt last very long, say an hour or two. but theres just something about those whippet thin boys with snappy hair cuts and upper arm tattoos. makes me want to give that 14 year old me a phone call and say "stop fucking eating! start stealing cigarettes! read more magazines! steal money! become an ice king!"
i've never been to california. i probably never will drop in. but is it really true hedi? do all the guys really never wear shirts? and did their parents sign something so they could get those tattoos? or is it all just a myth?

you know like that myth in just about every fash mag or catalogue, the one that shows all the hot girls hanging out in carparks? so that's where they all come from...